Sometimes you watch. Sometimes you are watched.

Matthew and I read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller several years ago. Recently, it surfaced again and so, I was glancing through the pages the other night. The title makes it obvious that the author will be making some reference to jazz - whether as a metaphor, the focus of a memory, or something else. When I read the book the first time, the whole jazz thing didn't really catch my eye but this time it did.

Marginally related thought..........
Come to think of it, I bet it's because we were in St. Louis Friday evening at a baseball game and afterwards, we went to 11 11 Mississippi, and our waiter was Rick who was pretty fun to interact with, and the music was this smooth jazz that I really liked, and I said so to Rick, and he said under his breath that I wouldn't like it so much after seven or eight straight hours of listening to it, and we laughed and talked about jazz for a little while, and well, I really like jazz. I always have.
End of marginally related thought.......

Donald Miller starts off his book by saying "I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve." Since I love jazz music, I was intrigued. During the nano-second (whatever that is) between his first and second sentence, a hypothesis formed in my head. Maybe there are just two kinds of people in the world - those who need things to resolve and those who are ok living with the unresolved. And maybe whether or not a person likes jazz is the best way to tell the two apart.  And if that's true, I guess I'm one of the "unresolved" people.

He goes on to explain, "But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes. After that I liked jazz music." Wow, that was a quick turn-around. So does that mean we can change from jazz-not-likers to jazz-likers? If so, does that also mean that we can change from needing resolution to not needing it? Hmmmm.

"Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way," Miller concludes. Ahh, yes - good point. I then thought of the mentors in my life - the people who showed the way and that leads me to what I actually came here to say. I need people in my life who are not like me - people who love and experience things I've never even heard of - people who are ahead of me in some kind of way - people who I can watch.  I also must realize that I am sometimes that person who is being watched. My life is intertwined with others.

My Dad died in April and I miss him. He was a person that I watched. He loved southern Illinois peaches, blue grass music, road trips with the family, reading, story-telling, camping, the harmonica, campfires, politics, and his pocket knife. He loved cooking Saturday morning breakfast, teaching and learning, talking and listening, hiking, and celebrating life's milestones by "gathering everyone around the table." Dad loved to take a red delicious apple and peel off the skin in one big spiral. By watching my father, I came to love these things too. When he died, we all contributed some thoughts to a booklet that we gave to all who attended his visitation and funeral. Here's what I wrote:


Dear Dad,
When I was a young girl, you taught me how to find the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, and the North Star, Polaris. You told me stories about how soldiers and others at sea and in the wilderness could always find their way by looking up to the North Star. You explained how people around the world are comforted when they are lost and then can finally navigate again once they get a look into the night sky and find Polaris. By it, we are guided to True North.

You are my compass – my Polaris – one who helps me navigate this world, this life. You lead, not by pointing me in the right direction, but by traveling that very path and inviting me to join you. When I’ve lost my bearings, you have helped me find the North Star once again. You never claimed to be True North. Instead, you were like John the Baptist, one who points the way.

I suppose that is why it has been easy for me to view God as my heavenly father. If He is a father like you have been, I am blessed. It is also because of your life that I recognize Him as True North. Your genuineness and character is a reflection of His. I think of you when I hear Jean Valjean rightly say that, ".....to love another person is to see the face of God."

I know that you feel at home in the place He has prepared for you. I imagine it with a front porch to welcome visitors, a simple interior, and of course, one hook on the wall. Invite Jason over for a walk to the pond. He’s just down the road. He’s been waiting for you. I’ll think of you both when I look up to the stars. I love you and miss you. We will be together again.   Rebecca

Joe Plasters - 1929-2011

Honesty - the downfall of civilization?

If you get the chance, watch the most recent episode of "Bones" - The Pinocchio in the Planter (Bones - Season 6 - Episode 20). As is usual on Bones, there is a story running parallel to THE story. And it's often the interpersonal behind-the-scene stuff that makes the program so interesting.

This week is no exception. The crime leads Brennan, Booth and the others to explore a group of people devoted to "Radical Honesty." Everyone ends up trying out the new idea. Is it best to be radically honest?

Here's one scene of dialogue that does a good job of asking the question..........

Wendell: I have found that it’s a real relief to say what’s on your mind

Cam: I can see that

Wendell: I mean, I never would have gotten the job without being honest and even Hodgins pointing out my mistake has made me more careful.

Cam: I suppose that’s….. good.

Wendell: It’s liberating. For instance, a week ago, I never would have felt comfortable telling you how acrid I find your perfume.

Cam: It’s not perfume. It’s lotion and….. I like it.

(Hodgins and Angela come on the monitor – reporting in from a crime scene)…..

Hodgins: Hello all. Any more mistakes Wendell?

Wendell: I was just telling Dr. Saroyan how much more careful I am now. Perhaps it’s the monitor but you look like a flying squirrel Hodgins.

Cam: OK, that’s it. I don’t care what you do on your own time. But from now on, unless we’re talking about the evidence, I don’t want to hear one more honest word in this lab. Honesty is clearly the downfall of civilization. Civility, propriety, and manners are its redeemers, understood?

Hodgins: Loud and clear

Angela: You tell ‘em Cam

And later, when Brennan comes into the lab……..

Cam:…………. and, there’s also a new policy in the lab.

Brennan: Well, what’s that?

Cam: You are the only person who’s allowed to be radically honest. And that’s only because I can’t stop you.

Brennan: Well that’s too bad. I prefer everyone speak their minds.

Cam: I actually don’t care what you prefer because this is my lab and I make the rules.

Brennan: Then perhaps Wendell won’t be able to tell you how ashamed he felt that he might have hurt your feelings – after you were so generous to give him the extra work. He was quite emotional.

Cam: Really?

Brennan: Yes. Although I told him that I also find your lotion to be a bit pungent.

Hmmmmmm......... Interesting.On the one hand, does everyone really need to know that you don't like their lotion or that they look weird, like a flying squirrel??? On the other hand, do we want to miss hearing the honest apology from someone?

Jesus didn't seem to have a black and white rule about such things. Sometimes, people asked him questions and he just changed the subject - not answering them at all. Other times, he spoke even more than what was asked of him. There were times that he neglected to clarify something, even though it clearly left people with a wrong impression. And sometimes, he confronted people with truth. I think we're left with a need for wisdom - for how to "speak the truth" without neglecting the end of that passage, "..... in love."

Disillusionment

Having no expectations....... I have come to understand this attitude important to contentment. When I have great expectations, I often end up with great disappointment. When I refuse to let expectations build, I am more able to accept any outcome. If the outcome is discouraging, my heart doesn't have so far to fall. And if the outcome is gratifying, my lack of expectation doesn't make it any less pleasing.

Maintaining the attitude while avoiding the slip into cynicism is sometimes tough however. I want to have a sense of hope; I don't want to feel negative and sarcastic. Still, when I focus on keeping my expectations low, I sometimes find myself in that very muck.


And so, I was grateful to come upon Oswald Chambers' reflections on the subject. The July 30th reading in My Utmost for His Highest is entitled "The Teaching of Disillusionment." Chambers considers a passage from the second chapter of John. Jesus is in Jerusalem for the Passover. While there, many people witnessed his miracles and believed in him. "But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person" (John 2:24-25). In other words, Jesus held no expectations about these people. He knew their nature and understood that many were drawn to him simply out of a fascination with his miracles. He knew that although they were following him today, they may abandon him tomorrow. And so, he simply did not let himself be vulnerable with these people. He didn't get angry. He didn't act or verbalize disappointment with them. He simply didn't "entrust himself" to them. He didn't embrace any illusions about the situation - he was disillusioned.

Here are the insightful words of Oswald Chambers:

Disillusionment means having no more misconceptions, false impressions, and false judgments in life; it means being free from these deceptions. However, though no longer deceived, our experience of disillusionment may actually leave us cynical and overly critical in our judgment of others. But the disillusionment that comes from God brings us to the point where we see people as they really are, yet without any cynicism or any stinging and bitter criticism. Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain, stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another. According to our thinking, everything is either delightful and good, or it is evil, malicious, and cowardly.

Refusing to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering of human life. And this is how that suffering happens - if we love someone, but do not love God, we demand total perfection and righteousness from that person, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; yet we are demanding of a human being something which he or she cannot possibly give. There is only one Being who can completely satisfy to the absolute depth of the hurting human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship that is not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter. Our Lord's confidence in God, and in what God's grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that He never despaired, never giving up hope for any person. If our trust is placed in human beings, we will end up despairing of everyone.

Don't refuse to be disillusioned as you carpe your diem!

Joshua Trees

Matthew and I visited Joshua Tree National Park this summer. I found myself attributing personalities and all sorts of other qualities to each unique specimen. It's an amazing place full of artistry by the Master. I know they're just trees but well, I was thinking, feeling, and seeing people I know as well as the person I have been, I am, and I hope to be.

Sometimes I have these introspective experiences. Other times I just say "cool trees, look at these spikey stick-out thingees." Sometimes I want to think about things like meaning and purpose. Other times I want to just pick the wild sage, rub it between my fingers, and enjoy the aroma. It's all good.

Sometimes my life is so full of the every-day that I am conflicted. I'd love to reflect on the profound but I'm distracted by the urgent. I'm overwhelmed and feel a sense of expediency. I prioritize, making the "best" use of scare time and resources. In these moments, I am practical and I "put first things first."

Here is a photo I call "Mentor." I see the multifaceted, tall, strong Joshua Tree and the small little fellow next to it. I feel this urge to say to the younger, "I hope you know how lucky you are," "Never forget these days," and "Don't ever take this season of life for granted." I want to tell him what a privilege it is to sit at the feet of the wise elder. I want her to know that this sort of opportunity is rare. I want the older to feel appreciated. But I also want to say to the elder, "Be kind," "Remember that you were once young like she is now," and "Let him be the unique person he was intended to be." I want the younger to feel appreciated.

Above is a series I call "Perspective." These photos demonstrate how the angle makes a difference. If I'm looking at an entire tree (or person... situation... plan...) I see different things than when I'm looking at a small piece of the picture. This reminds me to be slow to pass judgment, to realize that there are other points of view, and to appreciate how valuable a group perspective can be.

And........ it makes me grateful for the people in my life who are slow to pass judgment, for those who realize that I might have a different point of view, and for others who appreciate my contribution to a group perspective.

Next, "It Is Finished" are a couple of photos I took of a Joshua Tree that was "shedding" the unnecessary. I suppose it caught my eye because I wonder just how expendable I really am. I'm certain that the answer is ..... "quite." God is certainly glad to have me on board but make no mistake, He is God. He can accomplish his purposes with or without me. That's ok. I am part of His big picture. I don't need to BE the big picture.

 

 

There are more pictures and more stories from my trip but here's the main thing....... when was the last time you looked at Joshua Tree Equivalents and considered something beyond the cool sharp spikey thingees? Do it again soon.

Carpe the Diem,

Rebecca

Carpe the Diem

Carpe the Diem ~ Seize the Day ..... I'm drawn to this idea mostly because I wish that I did it more. It's a kick-in-the-pants reminder to myself about not procrastinating so much - especially when it comes to things I actually care about. And so, I begin today, carpe-ing one of my diems.

I sometimes have an inkling of a thought that I want to explore. I want to think about it, write about it, dialogue about it, re-work it, and sometimes discard it. It is this process that I am drawn to. I don't always care about the outcome. And so, in this venue, I'll write and look forward to some dialogue. That is the first reason I am here.

My other reason is this - I'd love to think that are others out there who will take the bait and begin to carpe their own diems. You might not give a rip about writing, or taking rabbit trails of the mind through murky philosophical paths that have no possibility for resolution. That might drive you nuts as much as it energizes me. That's fine.

But maybe there is some other pursuit you've been procrastinating. What do you want to "seize"? Tell me about it. Maybe you will  help my effort to motivate others to do the same. I'm just looking for some evidence that I, and others, can manage to think just a bit outside of our wakeup-gotowork-comehome-watchtv selves - just once in a while.

Then, who knows what will happen - if we all manage to reach just a bit beyond ourselves - just now and then..... I mean... I mean (to edit and mis-quote a famous philosopher out of context).... "if just one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick..... And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think..... And if three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people....they may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day (carpe-ing their diems)... friends, friends, they may think it's a movement!"